I tend to do very bodily focused/political/feminist work and it’s just now become something I accept about myself. I felt guilty about if for a while because I feel like it’s a very easy subject to tackle if you’re a woman…and it’s hard to do it well. Someone could basically make a piece saying “This is sexist, this is sexist, this is sexist…” and it would be considered feminist. My interest in feminism is more internal. I like to think about bodies…about my body in relation to other people and about how other people’s bodies relate to each other. Sexuality fits in somewhere, though I’m not quite sure where…or maybe I am sure and I’m just too embarrassed to say.
Easily, my 15 minute performance could be interpreted as a feminist piece and I’m not saying that that’s wrong or bad but it was something I didn’t necessarily consider. Of course, seeing a woman tied up and screaming is going to bring a lot of politics in to the room. It was a very personal piece. I stepped out of a lot of comfort zones, though looking back on it, I feel like I could have pushed myself a bit more. It was awkward to sing in front of people and to partially undress myself, and to show off that picture of my brother. I feel/felt like I revealed too much but somehow it was OK because everyone understood it was a midterm.
The “90 degree turn” in my performance was when I started screaming. I knew that I wanted to do it and it was cathartic but once I started, it was hard to stop myself from crying.
I have been told by a trusted friend that my performance was Marina Abramovic- esque. Again, I’m not bothered by this. I like her work. Someone was telling me about a piece of hers where she lay on the floor of a gallery and just screamed constantly until her voice gave out and that signified the end of her performance. A lot of her work tends to be about physically pushing her body until it gives out. I don’t foresee myself really exploring that avenue because I have a very low tolerance for pain but I’m glad she does it.
I don't know what I'll be doing in five weeks. I would be worried if I did. I had this amazing, grand performance final planned out in the beginning of the semester and now it seems sort of shallow and unoriginal. I still have a lot of figuring out to do.
...p.s- there was no way I could have squeezed seven paragraphs out of this. I mean, I could have but it would have been bullshit. I love my blog too much to post bullshit.